♪ -Next on "Great Performances"... -♪ It's too darn hot -Go backstage where things get too darn hot in Cole Porter's brilliant musical comedy about the battle of the sexes then and now.

-♪ Kiss him -♪ Never, never, never, never, neeeeverrrrr ♪ -Stephanie J.

Block and Adrian Dunbar light up the stage in "Kiss Me, Kate," next.

[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Major funding for "Great Performances" is provided by... ...and by contributions to your PBS station from viewers like you.

Thank you.

[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Piano playing ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Conversations continue ] [ Up-tempo music plays ] ♪ -Oh, my God.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ -Steve?

Steve, I'm going to have to stop you there.

Thank you.

Company, gather for notes.

Company, to the stage for notes.

Let's go.

-Okay, Ralph.

Everybody here?

-All yours, Fred.

-Thank you, Company.

Okay, Steve, that's a great cut in the overture.

I want you to keep it in.

Can I hear that again?

-No time, Mr. Graham.

-Yeah, well, you know what they say.

We don't open, we just run out of time.

So, final notes.

What do you got?

-Baptista.

-Baptista.

-Was I paraphrasing again?

-Yep.

Extensively.

-But I get the meaning across.

The audience gets the gist.

-It's a Shakespeare play, Harry.

People do not come to a Shakespeare play for the gist.

-I think they do.

-Just look at it, okay?

Next!

-Bianca.

-Lois.

-Yes, Freddy.

-[ Laughs ] -I mean, Mr. Fredric C. Graham, director, producer, star!

-You were wonderful yesterday, darling.

Just wonderful.

-Thank you.

-No one would ever realize it was your first musical.

-Well, I've worked in nightclubs for years.

-Alright, line up for curtain call.

-Just one thing, honey.

You know the scene with Lucentio?

-Yes?

-You're upstaging yourself.

-Thank you.

-No, no.

It's not a good thing.

No, I want you to turn around, deliver your lines straight out to the audience like that.

-Okay.

So, don't stand like this.

-Uh-huh.

-But like this instead.

-Yep.

That's having an effect.

I mean, that's effective.

Okay.

Yeah, next.

-Act One, scene eight.

-What the hell is that?

-I'm betting it's the whip.

-Oh, yes.

Thank you, Harry.

I can't get that damn thing to snap.

But I'll work on that.

Next?

-Lucentio.

-Lucentio.

Lucentio.

Where is he?

-Bill Calhoun!

-Where is he?

-Bill Calhoun!

-Bill Calhoun!

-You see what I mean?

You know, you give a Broadway hoofer a chance to play Shakespeare, this is what happens.

-He's running late.

His mother's sick.

-Oh, really?

Well, that's wonderful news.

Because the last time he was running late, she was dead.

Alright.

Okay, everybody, let's go.

Let's do the bows.

Thank you.

-Curtain call, please.

-There you go, thank you.

-Alright, yeah.

-Thank you.

Just the one, guys, just the one.

♪ Baptista, change places with Gremio.

-Are you serious?

-Just do it, Harry.

Just do it.

♪ Yeah, Miss Vanessi, would you care to join us?

-Mm-hmm.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, leave a little room for me, honey.

That's it.

And, okay, everybody.

And bow.

♪ That's it.

And we drop back.

And step forward.

One sec.

Oh, one second.

One second.

Lois!

-Did thou call me, honey?

-Yeah.

I do not want you leaving the theater.

-I don't plan to.

It's my life now!

-No, no, darling, I mean between now and curtain up.

-Whatever thou say, Fred.

-I want you to rest and relax.

You got a little bed in your room, don't you?

-You know I do, silly.

You were there last night.

-What?

-Oh!

-[ Clears throat ] Yeah, um...

Uh, yeah, sorry.

That took a little longer than I thought.

-Is that what you said to her last night?

-Let's not make this any more awkward than it is.

-Is that what she said to you?

-Yeah.

Okay, right.

Can we -- Give me some lights and music for Miss Vanessi's bow, please.

-Thank you, Steve.

♪ [ Cast members exclaiming ] -Isn't a smile in your contract, Miss Vanessi?

-You bastard!

-What?

-Oh, my God!

-I am here for you!

-Ralph, you okay?

-Yeah, no, I'm good, I'm good.

What's next?

-How about a pep talk?

-Yeah, how about it?

Yeah, okay, come on.

Okay, people, come on.

Step up.

Let's go.

-There you are, Johnny.

Good to see ya.

Yeah.

Okay.

Gather round, everybody.

Okay, listen up.

Here's the scoop.

We survived Chicago.

[ Cast members murmur ] We survived Boston, New Haven, and D.C. And here we are in Baltimore.

The money's coming down from New York, but don't let it worry you.

Because now that my former wife Miss Vanessi has joined the company, we've got a real chance of making it to Broadway.

[ Cheers and applause ] And I know you're all gonna agree with me when I say she is uniquely qualified to play the shrew.

-I agree!

[ Laughter ] -Seriously though, guys, a company of actors, why, they're like a family.

And in a very real sense, you are my family.

No, no, and I love each and every single one of you.

So let's hit our marks, pick up our cues.

Let's give them a hell of a show!

[ All exclaim ] ♪ -♪ Another op'nin', another show ♪ ♪ In Philly, Boston or Baltimo' ♪ -♪ A chance for stage folks to say hello ♪ -♪ Another op'nin' of another show ♪ -♪ Another job that you hope at last ♪ ♪ Will make your future forget your past ♪ ♪ Another pain where the ulcers grow ♪ -♪ Another op'nin' of another show ♪ -♪ Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse ♪ -♪ Three weeks, and it couldn't be worse ♪ -♪ One week, will it ever be right?

♪ -♪ Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night ♪ ♪ The overture is about to start ♪ ♪ You cross your fingers and hold your heart ♪ ♪ It's curtain time and away we go ♪ -Let's go!

♪ House lights.

Alright.

Circuit one!

-♪ Another op'nin' ♪ Another show -Circuit two!

-♪ In Philly, Boston or Baltimo' ♪ -Three!

-♪ A chance for stage folks ♪ To say hello ♪ Another op'nin' of another show ♪ ♪ Another job that you hope at last ♪ ♪ Will make your future forget your past ♪ ♪ Another pain where the ulcers grow ♪ ♪ Another op'nin' of another show ♪ -♪ Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse ♪ -♪ Three weeks, and it couldn't be worse ♪ -♪ One week, will it ever be right?

♪ -♪ Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night ♪ ♪ The overture is about to start ♪ -♪ The overture is about to start ♪ -♪ You cross your fingers and hold your heart ♪ -♪ You cross your fingers and hold your heart ♪ -♪ It's curtain time and away we go ♪ -Alright.

Let's take it from the second act, combination.

Here we go.

Five, six.

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ ♪ No, listen.

It's like this.

Watch.

There you go.

♪ -♪ Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse ♪ ♪ Three weeks, and it couldn't be worse ♪ ♪ One week, will it ever be right?

♪ ♪ Then out o' the hat, it's that big first night ♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ Another op'nin' ♪ Another show -♪ Another op'nin' ♪ Another show ♪ Another op'nin' ♪ Another op'nin', another op'nin ♪ ♪ Another show ♪ It's another op'nin' of another show ♪ -♪ The overture is about to start ♪ -♪ Another show -♪ You cross your fingers ♪ And hold your heart -♪ Another show -♪ It's curtain time and away we ♪ -♪ Another op'nin', just another op'nin' ♪ ♪ Of another ♪ Show ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] ♪ ♪ -Cutting it a little close, Mr. Calhoun.

-Well, I'm here, and my legs ain't broken.

-Not yet.

-Hey, buddy.

I ain't got all day.

-Do me a favor, and cover the cab, will you, Pops?

-[ Scoffs ] No way.

-Oh, please, come on.

It's for the good of the show.

-Somebody's got to pay up.

I got a mortgage and a wife at home who's not happy with the choices I made in life.

-Please?

-Oh, alright.

I'll lay it out.

-Thanks, Pops.

You get paid when I get paid.

After some others get paid.

-Bill!

There you are!

-Lois.

Here I am.

-You've been gambling again, haven't you?

Where were you?

-I went to the cleaners.

-How much did you lose this time?

-Ten G's.

-Ten G's?

-Ten thousand fast little bucks!

-Well, did you sign an IOU again?

-Uh-huh.

They wouldn't have let me out alive unless I did.

-Okay.

Well, whose name did you sign this time?

-Fredric C. Graham.

-Mr. Graham?

Mister -- Bill, Bill, Bill.

Mr. Graham has given us our big chance.

Do you want to play clubs all your life?

-I was so close!

I bet a hard eight, and if it had come up, I would've been able to finance this whole production.

-But it didn't come up.

-Well, not this time.

-Oh, Bill.

♪ Why can't you behave?

♪ Oh, why can't you behave?

♪ After all the things you told me ♪ ♪ And the promises that you gave ♪ ♪ Oh, why can't you behave?

-They switched the dice on me, baby.

-♪ Why can't you be good?

♪ And do just as you should?

♪ Won't you turn that new leaf over?

♪ ♪ Don't you know you're the one I crave?

♪ ♪ Oh, why can't you behave?

♪ ♪ There's a farm I know near my old hometown ♪ -♪ Where we two can go and try settlin' down ♪ -♪ There I'll care for you forever ♪ ♪ Well, at least till you dig my grave ♪ ♪ Oh, why can't you behave?

-♪ Gee, I need you, kid -♪ I always knew you did ♪ But why can't you ♪ Behave?

♪ -No, don't.

[ Cheers and applause ] ♪ [ Indistinct conversation ] ♪ ♪ -What the hell do you think you were playing at, punching me in front of the entire company?

-I had a problem with your note.

-I asked you to smile.

-And I did smile after I punched you.

I just needed the proper motivation.

[ Knock on door ] What?!

-Half-hour, Miss Vanessi.

-Thank you, Ralph.

It's this heat.

-You know Baltimore.

Half-hour.

-Yeah.

How's the house?

-Yeah, you know Baltimore.

-Yeah, there'll be deer running around the balcony.

I'm telling you, the next time I open a show here, I'm gonna bring my shotgun.

-At least we'll eat.

-At least we'll eat.

That's the idea.

So, so much for the big Hollywood name.

Your fans must have realized you're appearing in person.

[ Telephone rings ] -Ah!

-Go ahead.

Answer it.

It's probably your mystery man.

What's his name?

What's his name?

-Harrison.

-Harrison, yeah.

Harrison.

-Hello.

-Harrison.

-Harrison.

-Mm.

-Oh, you're still at the White House?

-[ Sighs ] -What?

The President wants to talk to me?

To unimportant little old me?

Darling, what will I say?

-Is it true you've declared Baltimore a disaster area?

There you go.

-How dare you!

-[ Laughs ] -Mr. President... Hello, sir.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I apologize.

That was no one.

He is just an actor.

No, not in the movies.

His grotesquely large features are better suited to the stage.

Harrison?

[ Gasps ] Yes!

He could be in Westerns, I agree.

[ Laughs ] No, thank you, Mr. President.

Well, I'd better let you get back to running the free world.

Harrison, did you hear?

The President thinks you could be a cowboy.

In the movies.

-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, I miss you too, my darling.

Look, I know you don't have time to see my little performance in my little show, but when will I see you again?

Ooh!

You have big news?

Top secret?

[ Gasps ] Well, I can't wait.

Yes, yes, I'm blowing you two kisses -- mwah, mwah.

Alright, my darling.

Alright.

Bye-bye.

-A cowboy, huh?

-Must be all those darn muscles.

-Oh, yeah, I see it.

I see it.

Is it real?

-It's real, alright.

-It's not the Hope Diamond, is it?

The one with the curse?

-It was his mother's engagement ring.

And now it is mine.

-Yeah, well, she must have worn it on her big toe.

-Oh!

-Congratulations.

You've roped yourself a wealthy cowpoke.

-Fred.

-Huh?

-You know what day it is?

-Uh... -It is our anniversary, and you forgot!

-My darling Lilli, may I remind you, we were married in the spring.

April is the cruelest month, remember?

-No.

It's the one-year anniversary of our divorce.

-Oh.

Oh, well, alright.

So... Look, if you must know, I was gonna buy you a cactus, but I couldn't afford it because I've got no money.

I understand that you're rolling in it.

-Money?

Oh, yes.

Every night before I go to bed, that is exactly what I do.

I roll around in my money.

It's wonderful for the hips.

-Damn Hollywood swimming pools and avocado ranches.

And here I am putting every penny I can scrape, borrow, and steal into my Cyrano in Paris.

A huge success, by the way.

-Four glorious performances.

-I'll have you know there was a general strike.

-You couldn't have been that bad.

[ Both laugh ] -Same old Lilli, huh?

Oh.

Who's this little monster?

Did you adopt?

Or can you buy a kid these days?

-That is you, age two, bottoms up.

-No.

-Yes.

-What?

Can I have it?

-Sure.

Go ahead and take it.

You can also have this.

From our first bottle of champagne.

-What, our wedding breakfast?

-In my apartment.

-In your apa-- You mean that one room you had over the Armenian bakery?

-You're a fine one to complain.

You didn't even have a room.

-Yeah.

Why do you think I married you?

-Oh!

-[ Laughs ] -You know, that was the season we played the Barter Theatre in Virginia and they paid you with a ham.

-[ Laughs ] We lived off that ham all winter.

-And I got a job reading palms at that little, um, that little tea place just opposite Macy's.

-Yeah, and I demonstrated shaving soap in Woolworth's.

-That's right.

That's how I spent my honeymoon.

Watching you shave.

Oh, God.

What a life.

-Simpler times.

Simpler times.

-You know, we had just gotten off the road with that little British makeshift of an operetta that for some reason was set in Switzerland.

But the costumes were Dutch.

-Yeah.

So were the salaries, as I recall.

-Ah!

-[ Laughs ] There was a waltz in it, wasn't there?

-Oh!

-Something about a bar, or something, I don't know.

♪ "Ja, madam, you look ravishing tonight.

You've made me the happiest of men."

-"Ooh, Your Highness."

[ Vocalizing ] Wunderbar!

-♪ Wunderbar, wunderbar -♪ There's our favorite star above ♪ -♪ What a bright, shining star -♪ Like our love, it's wunderbar ♪ ♪ -♪ Gazing down on the Jungfrau -♪ From our secret chalet for two ♪ -♪ Let us drink, liebchen mein -♪ In the moonlight benign -♪ To the joy of our dream come true ♪ ♪ Wunderbar, wunderbar -♪ What a perfect night for love ♪ -♪ Here am I, here you are -♪ Why, it's truly wunderbar -♪ Wunderbar, wunderbar -♪ We're alone and hand in glove ♪ -♪ Not a cloud near or far -♪ Why, it's more than wunderbar ♪ -♪ Say you care, dear -♪ For you madly -♪ Say you long, dear -♪ For your kiss -♪ Do you swear, dear?

-♪ Darling, gladly -♪ Life's divine, dear -♪ And you're mine, dear ♪ Wunderbar, wunderbar -♪ There's our favorite star above ♪ -♪ What a bright, shining star ♪ Like our love, it's wunderbar ♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ And you're mine, dear -♪ Wunderbar, wunderbar -♪ There's our favorite star above ♪ -♪ What a bright, shining star ♪ Like our love, it's wunderbar ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah.

Alright.

Well... -Alright.

-Alright.

Thank you, sweetie.

-Five minutes, you two.

-Oh!

-Okay, okay.

-Well, whose fault was it?

-What?!

♪ Could have been your temper.

-Could have been your ego.

-Yeah.

[ Laughs ] Yeah.

Probably a bit of both, huh?

♪ Let's get dressed.

♪ -Hello.

-Who are you?

What are you doing backstage?

-Fine-looking fella.

-Clean-cut.

-One could say handsome.

-One would not be wrong.

-Look, gentlemen, I'm very touched by your admiration and devotion, but I do not see my fans till after the show... -What diction.

-Well-schooled.

-And note how he does not spit when he talks.

-This is all very flattering, but I can assure you, I do not see my public till after the show, not before.

Paul!

-Oh, what grace!

-If I had to do something to him, I would cry like a baby.

-Yeah.

Now, look, gentlemen, why don't you come back after the show?

I'll gladly give you an autograph.

-Oh, no, we got your autograph.

That's why we're here.

-What?

-A little matter of a IOU.

Oh!

Here it is.

Ten G's.

Mr. Hogan -- that's our employer -- he regards this as a debt of honor.

-Mr. Hogan?

-So... How's about it, Mr. Graham?

-[ Laughs ] That isn't even my signature.

-Yeah, yeah.

They all say that.

-What?

-I'm surprised at you, Mr. Graham.

You signed it only this afternoon after what we hear was quite a little game down to the hotel.

-Now, look, I can assure you, I've not left this building since 8:00 this morning.

-He forgot.

-Yeah, that's human nature for you.

-The minute a man signs a IOU, everything goes dark.

-Yeah.

The doctors call it "magnesia."

-Paul!

-Paul!

-Paul!

-What?

[ Gangsters laugh ] -You know, I would cry like a baby if I had to do something to such a high-type fella.

Remember last week, that high-type fella, I used up three handkerchiefs.

-Look, gentlemen, I'm about to go on!

Do you mind leaving?

-Do you mind leaving?

-Do you mind leaving?

-I'm about to go on.

-I'm about to go on.

-Do you mind... [ Gangsters laugh ] Ain't he virile?

Mm.

Ooh!

"I now wish to express all the best wishes for a magnificent opening and the success your brilliant talents deserve."

-"Heartiest felicitations.

Gene Kelly."

-Yeah, personal friend.

Oh, come on.

Really, guys?

Uh, fellas?

-Now, Mr. Graham, just remember, during the performance tonight, we're gonna be watching you from the front box.

So, try and jostle your memory, or we'll be forced to jostle it for you.

-We'll be back.

-Yeah.

Oh.

Break a leg.

-[ Gasps ] -As they say.

-Yeah.

[ Knock on door ] -Oh.

Hello, Paul.

-Hello, beautiful.

-[ Laughs ] Just like old times.

-Oh, what's that?

-Well, you and Mr. Graham working together again.

-Oh, yes.

Maybe too much like old times.

-He sent you those.

-[ Clears throat ] Hmm?

-Uh-huh.

-[ Gasps ] Oh!

Snowdrops, pansies, and rosemary.

Hattie, it's my wedding bouquet.

He didn't forget.

-Of course not, honey.

I'll get the vase.

[ Laughs ] -Oh.

♪ ♪ ♪ Strange, dear ♪ But true, dear ♪ When I'm close to you, dear ♪ The stars fill the sky ♪ So in love with you am I ♪ ♪ Even without you ♪ My arms fold about you ♪ You know, darling, why ♪ So in love with you am I ♪ In love with the night mysterious ♪ ♪ The night when you first were there ♪ ♪ In love with my joy ♪ Delirious ♪ When I knew ♪ That you could care ♪ So taunt me and hurt me ♪ Deceive me, desert me ♪ I'm yours till I die ♪ So in love ♪ So in love, so in love with you ♪ ♪ My love ♪ Am I ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ When I knew ♪ That you could care ♪ ♪ So taunt me and hurt me ♪ Deceive me, desert me ♪ I'm yours till I die ♪ So in love ♪ So in love, so in love with you ♪ ♪ My love ♪ Am I ♪ [ Breath catches ] ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -There we go.

-Yeah, where the hell were you, Paul?

Letting a couple of gangsters in here five minutes before curtain up?

Good job I was able to scare them off, right?

-Yeah, well, I tried to.

-Yeah.

-But I couldn't.

-Yeah, why not?

-Oh, I don't know.

Two reasons.

Firstly, they are bigger and stronger than I am.

-Oh, yeah.

-And secondly, which I think is the more significant point... -Uh-huh?

-...I'm smaller and weaker than they are!

-Yeah, okay, well, look, I'll let it go this time, but for God's sake, get yourself a spine.

So, did you deliver the flowers?

-Yes, sir.

-Excellent.

Excellent.

Good, good.

Did you put the note inside?

-Yes, sir.

-Great.

Excelente.

And you delivered them to Miss Lane in person, of course?

[ Chuckles ] -Miss Lane?

-Yeah.

-Uh, I thought they were for Miss Vanessi, sir.

-Oh, no, no.

You idiot!

What are you -- I told you!

-I'm sorry, sir.

I just assumed because Miss Vanessi is the star, and Miss Lane is... -"Miss Lane is, Miss Lane is" what?

What?

Too young?

-No.

-No?

-Uh, no.

-No.

Then what?

Then what?

-Just not old enough.

-Get out!

Get out!

Get out.

Idiot.

Damn it.

Where is that note?

It's gotta be here somewhere.

What's she doing?

-Oh, Fred!

Oh, you dear, you didn't forget.

-Oh, you didn't think I would, did ya?

-Places!

On stage!

Mud in your eye!

Break a leg.

Toi toi toi.

-Okay, honey, let's go.

-My hands are freezing.

-You know, it's okay.

It's just nerves.

You're gonna be fine.

-Do you think they'll like me?

-What?

-After all, I have been away from the theater for almost six years.

-Are you kidding me?

They are going to love you.

You're doing such a fabulous job.

-I don't know, Fred.

I don't feel that I have found my Kate yet.

-No, you will, darling, you will.

Once you're in front of an audience -- -Would you like to see the card, Miss Lilli?

-Yes!

Yes, yes, yes.

That's just the lift I need.

-No, no!

Well, I'll tell you what's on it.

Ha!

"To Lilli, the only woman I've ever loved, the only artist I've ever worshiped."

Now give me the card.

You can read it after the show.

-Oh, Fred, do you really mean that?

-With all my heart.

[ Laughs ] -Well, then, that is just where it is going.

-What?

Oh, God.

-Right next to mine.

Oh, well, I'm not nervous anymore.

-No!

-And, Fred, I promise, I will never punch you in the stomach again.

Never!

[ Laughter ] Oh!

-You will, my sweet.

You will.

Oh, God.

♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ A troupe of strolling players are we ♪ -♪ Not stars like L.B.

Mayer's are we ♪ -♪ We're just a simple band ♪ Who roams around the land ♪ Dispensing fol-de-rol frivolity ♪ ♪ Mere folk who give distraction are we ♪ -♪ No theater guild attraction are we ♪ -♪ We're just a crazy group ♪ That never ceases to troop ♪ Around the map of little Italy ♪ ♪ We open in Venice ♪ We next play Verona ♪ Then on to Cremona ♪ Lotsa laughs in Cremona ♪ Our next jump is Parma ♪ That dopey, mopey menace ♪ Then Mantua, then Padua ♪ Then we open again, where?

♪ ♪ Then we open again, where?

♪ We open in Venice ♪ We next play Verona ♪ Then on to Cremona ♪ Lotsa bars in Cremona ♪ Our next jump is Parma ♪ That beerless, cheerless menace ♪ ♪ Then Mantua, then Padua ♪ Then we open again, where?

♪ In Venice!

♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] ♪ ♪ -Wait.

Signor Baptista, I am your neighbor and was suitor first.

-But I am the one that love Bianca more.

-Thou canst not love as dear as I.

-Gentlemen, that I may soon make good.

What I have said, Bianca, get you in... and let it not displease thee, good Bianca, for I will love thee ne'er the less, my girl.

-Sir, to your pleasure, humbly I subscribe.

My books and my instruments shall be my company.

On them to look, and practice by myself.

-Poor child.

-Signor Baptista.

-Signor Baptista.

-Gentlemen, importune me no further.

For how I firmly am resolved, you know.

That is, not to bestow my youngest daughter before I have a husband for the elder.

-[ Shrieking ] -If either of you both love Katherine, leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure.

-To cart her rather.

She's too rough for me.

-If you, Hortensio, or Signor Gremio, if either of you can find a husband, I would be most liberal.

-[ Laughs ] A husband?

-A devil!

-Indeed!

[ All exclaiming ] -I say, a husband?

-I say, a devil!

Thinkst thou, sir, though you be very rich, any man be so very a fool to be married to hell?

-Hush, Hortensio.

I'm sure there be good fellows in the world that would take her for her faults, and money enough.

-Comb thy noodle with a three-legged stool!

[ All exclaiming ] -I'd be as lief to take her dowry with this condition, as to be whipped at the high-cross every morning.

-I pray you, sir, is it your will to make a stale of me amongst these mates?

[ Indistinct shouting ] -If I could only find a man that would thoroughly woo her, wed her, and bed her... -Oh!

-...and rid my house of her.

-[ Sighs ] -Ahhhh, me.

♪ -[ Exclaims ] ♪ -♪ I've made a haul in all the leading rackets ♪ ♪ From which rip-roarin' rich I happen to be ♪ ♪ And if thou wouldst attain the upper brackets ♪ ♪ Marry me, marry me, marry me -♪ My purse has yet to know a silver lining ♪ ♪ Still lifeless is my wifeless family tree ♪ ♪ But if for love unending thou art pining ♪ ♪ Marry me, marry me, marry me -♪ I come to thee a thoroughbred patrician ♪ ♪ Still spraying my decaying family tree ♪ ♪ To give a social goose to thy position ♪ Boop!

♪ Marry me, marry me, marry me ♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ I'm a maid who would marry ♪ And will take with no qualm ♪ Any Tom, Dick or Harry, any Harry, Dick or Tom ♪ ♪ I'm a maid mad to marry and will take double-quick ♪ ♪ Any Tom, Dick or Harry, any Tom, Harry or Dick ♪ -♪ I'm the man thou shouldst marry ♪ -♪ Howdy, Pop -♪ Howdy, Mom -♪ I'm the man thou shouldst marry ♪ -♪ Art thou Harry, Dick or Tom?

♪ -♪ I'm the man thou shouldst marry ♪ -♪ Howdy, pal -♪ Howdy, chick -♪ Art thou Tom, Dick or Harry?

♪ -♪ Call me Tom, Harry or Dick -♪ I'm a maid who would marry ♪ She 's a maid who would marry ♪ ♪ And would no longer tarry -♪ She's a maid mad to marry -♪ I'm a maid mad to marry -♪ May her hopes not miscarry -♪ May my hopes not miscarry -♪ She's a maid mad to marry -♪ I'm a maid mad to marry -♪ And will take double-quick ♪ Any Tom, Dick or Harry ♪ Any Tom, Harry or Dick ♪ A dicka dick, a dicka dick ♪ A dicka dick, a dicka dick, a dicka dick ♪ ♪ A dicka dick, a dick dick -Okay, go for it, boys.

♪ Very good!

♪ Whoo-hoo!

I love that.

♪ [ Scatting ] -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me -♪ Marry me ♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ Any Tom, Dick, or Harry ♪ Any Tom -♪ Tom, Dick ♪ Tom, Dick, or Harry -♪ Or Harry -♪ Tom, Dick ♪ Tom, Dick, or Harry -♪ Any To-o-o-m, Harry ♪ Or Dick -♪ Tom, Dick ♪ Tom, Dick, or Harry ♪ -♪ Tom, Harry or Dick -Yeah!

[ Cheers and applause ] [ Indistinct conversations ] ♪ ♪ -Sweet Bianca.

She sings as sweetly as a nightingale.

She looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew.

-And with a rose the maid hath chosen a fool.

-And if it be so, sir, is it of any offense?

-No, if without more words, you will get you hence.

[ Indistinct shouting ] -Oh, God!

-Petruchio!

-Lucentio!

-[ Laughs ] What happy gale blows you to Padua from fair Verona?

-Why, such a wind as scatters young men through the world to seek their fortunes further than at home.

And you?

-Well, I came to study.

-Oh, I'm glad that you thus continue your resolve to suck the sweets of sweet philosophy, the mathematics, and the botany.

Fall to them as your stomach serves you.

No profit grows where is no pleasure taken.

In brief, sir, study.

As for me... ♪ I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ ♪ If wealthily then happily in Padua ♪ ♪ If my wife has a bag of gold ♪ Do I care if the bag be old?

♪ I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ I heard you mutter ♪ "Zounds, a loathsome lad you are" ♪ ♪ I shall not be disturbed one bit ♪ ♪ If she be but a quarter-wit ♪ If she only can talk of clo'es ♪ ♪ While she powders her...nose [ Laughter ] ♪ I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ I heard you say ♪ "Gadzooks, completely mad you are" ♪ ♪ Wouldn't give me the slightest shock ♪ -Ow!

-♪ If her knees now and then ♪ Should knock ♪ If her eyes were a wee bit crossed ♪ ♪ If she's wearing the hair ♪ She's lost ♪ Still the damsel I'll make my dame ♪ ♪ In the dark they are all the same ♪ [ Laughter ] Now, now, padre.

Mnh-mnh.

♪ I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ He's come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ I heard you say ♪ "Good gad, what a cad you are" ♪ ♪ Do I mind if she fret and fuss ♪ ♪ If she fume like Vesuvius ♪ If she roar like a winter breeze ♪ ♪ On the rough Adriatic Seas -Oh!

-♪ She screams like a teething brat ♪ ♪ If she scratch like a tiger cat ♪ ♪ If she fight like a raging boar ♪ ♪ I have oft stuck a pig before ♪ [ Men exclaiming, women clamoring ] Ha!

♪ I've come to wive it wealthily in Padua ♪ -♪ With a hunny, nunny, nunny and a hey, hey, hey ♪ -♪ Not to mention money, money ♪ For a rainy day [ Ding! ]

-♪ He's come to wive it wealthily ♪ ♪ In Padua [ Cheers and applause ] -Hey!

This gentleman is happily arrived.

-Petruchio, thou'rt too much, my friend.

I cannot wish him to a shrewd, ill-tempered wife.

-But she is rich.

-Yes, rich and beauteous.

-But shrewd and forward so beyond all measure.

That were my state far poorer than it is, I would not wed her for a mine of gold.

-Peace!

Lucentio, thou know'st not gold's effect.

If thou know'st one rich enough to be Petruchio's wife, then tell me her father's name, 'tis enough.

-Her father is Baptista Minola.

-Ah!

-Her name is Katherine... -Katherine.

-...elder sister of the fair Bianca.

-Fair Bianca.

[ Katherine shrieking ] That is she.

An irksome, brawling scold.

-Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?

Have I not in my time heard lions roar?

Have I not heard great ordnance in the field, and heaven's artillery thunder in the sky?

And tell you me of a woman's tongue that give not half a great a blow to hear as does a chestnut in a farmer's fire?

-Then you will woo this wildcat?

-Will I live?

-Oh!

-I promise we will be contributors, and bear your charge of wooing, whatsoe'er.

-Done.

-Let's quaff carouses to this gentleman.

-For all of this, much thanks.

-Provided that you win her.

-Mm!

-Lucentio, go you to old Baptista and say, "I have a husband for Katherine."

-Katherine the Curst!

-"Katherine the Curst."

Ha.

A title for a maid, of all titles the worst.

[ Laughs ] -Sister, content you with my discontent.

[ Indistinct shouting ] -Katherine.

Katherine.

For shame, thou, hilding of a devilish spirit.

Poor child, she weeps.

-She is your treasure.

She must have a husband.

I must dance barefoot on her wedding day, and, for your love to her, lead apes in hell.

-Oh, was ever a gentleman thus grieved as I?

-A word with you, kind sir.

-Importune me no further, good sir, for how I firmly am r-- What say you now?

That is indeed news.

Good news!

Come in, Lucentio.

Ha!

-Lucentio, thou meacock wretch.

-Oh-oh-oh-hoo!

Ooh!

-♪ I hate ♪ Men ♪ I can't abide them even now and then ♪ ♪ Than ever marry one of them ♪ I'd rest a virgin rather ♪ For husbands are a boring lot ♪ ♪ They only give you bother ♪ Of course, I'm awf'lly glad ♪ That Mother had to marry Father ♪ ♪ But I hate men ♪ Of all the type I've ever met ♪ ♪ Within our democracy ♪ I hate the most the athlete ♪ With his manner bold and brassy ♪ ♪ He may have hair upon his chest ♪ ♪ But, sister, so did Lassie ♪ I hate men ♪ ♪ I hate men ♪ Their worth upon this Earth I dinna ken ♪ ♪ Avoid the trav'ling salesman ♪ Though a tempting Tom he may be ♪ ♪ From China he will bring you jade and perfume from Araby ♪ ♪ But don't forget 'tis he who'll have the fun ♪ ♪ And ye the baby [ Breathing heavily ] [ Groaning ] ♪ I hate men ♪ If you should wed a businessman ♪ ♪ Be wary, oh, be wary ♪ He'll tell you he's detained in town ♪ ♪ On business necessary ♪ The business is the business ♪ That he gives his secretary ♪ I hate men ♪ ♪ I hate men Sing it with me!

♪ I hate men ♪ Yes!

♪ Though roosters they ♪ I will not play the hen ♪ If you espouse an older man ♪ Through girlish optimism ♪ He'll always stay at home at night ♪ ♪ And make no criticism ♪ Though some may call it love ♪ The doctors call it "rheumatism" ♪ ♪ Oh, I hate men ♪ Of all I've read, alone in bed ♪ ♪ From A to zed, about 'em ♪ Since love is blind, then from our mind ♪ ♪ All womankind should rout 'em ♪ ♪ But, ladies, you must answer too ♪ ♪ What would you do without 'em?

♪ ♪ Still, I hate men [ Cheers and applause ] -Katherine!

Wonder of wonders!

-What?

-A gentleman from Verona desires you in marriage.

-Well, then he best go back there.

[ Trilling tongue ] -Uh, greetings, kind sir.

I hear, sir, you have a daughter called Katherine, fair and virtuous.

-I have a daughter, sir, called Katherine.

-I am a gentleman of Verona, sir, who hearing of her beauty and her wit, her affability and bashful modesty, her wondrous qualities and mild behavior, am bold to make myself a forward guest within your house, so that mine eye might be a witness of that report.

Signor Baptista, my business... -No!

No, no!

Oh, I'm gonna kill him.

Paul, where is he?

Yeah?

Is he in -- No, no, no, no!

Hattie!

-Alright!

-Hattie!

I need my pills.

Oh, God.

-[ Speaking indistinctly ] -Shut up, Pops!

Fred has done it again.

-Take a pill, take a pill.

-He's done it again.

They're not for me.

They're for Lois.

-What?!

-Love is a lie!

♪ -Where are you?

Ralph?

-Let specialties therefore be drawn between us... -Are you insane?

Did you know about this?!

I'm out!

I'm out!

-...that is, her love, for that is all in all.

-Why, that is nothing, Father, for I tell you, I am as peremptory as she is proud-minded.

-That bastard!

-I will attend her here... -No, no!

Get off!

-...and woo her with some spirit when she comes.

If she do rail, I'll tell her plain she sings as sweetly as a nightingale.

If she do bid me pack -- -I bid thee pack.

-What?

Grazie, signorina.

-And now, Signor Petruchio, speak.

-Oh, yes, speak, Petruchio.

Though thy message is not meant for me, you lousy no-good son of a bitch!

-Good morrow, Kate.

We're on stage, Lilli.

We're on stage.

-[ Screams ] -Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name, I hear.

-Well, you have heard, but somewhat hard of hearing.

They call me Katherine that do talk of me.

-You lie, in faith, for you are called plain Kate, and bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the Curst.

And so, Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom, take this of me, Kate of my consolation.

Hearing of your mildness praised in every town, your virtue spoken of, and your beauty sounded, though not so deeply as belongs to thee, myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

-Moved in good time.

Let him who moved you hither remove you hence.

I knew at the first, you were a movable.

-Why, what is a movable?

-A joint stool.

-Thou hast hit it.

Come, sit on me.

-No.

No, no.

Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

-Women are made to bear, and so are you.

-No such jade as you, if me you mean.

-What?

Ow!

Damn it!

Come, you wasp, you are too angry.

-If I be too waspish, best beware my sting.

-What?

Oh!

Damn it!

My remedy then is to pluck it out.

-Aye, if the fool could find it where it lies.

-Who knows not where a wasp bee wear his sting?

In his tail.

-[ Grunts ] -I swear I'll cuff you, if you strike again.

Listen to me, Miss Vanessi.

You go on acting the way you're acting, I'll give you the biggest paddling of your life, and right here on stage.

-No, you wouldn't dare.

-Oh-ho!

Oh-ho!

Oh-ho!

No?

-If you strike me, you are no gentleman.

-[ Scoffs ] -What is your crest?

A coxcomb?

-No, a combless cock, and Kate shall be my hen.

-Fred!

Harry!

Harry!

-You asked for it.

-You're gonna get it.

-And now, Signor Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?

-How, but well, sir?

How, but well?

It were impossible we should speed amiss.

We've agreed so well together that upon Sunday is the wedding day.

-God give you joy, son.

'Tis a match!

-Amen, we say!

-'Tis a match!

'Tis a match!

And so, Father, wife and gentlemen, adieu.

I will to Venice, where I -- I'm warning you.

I'm warning you.

I will to Venice, where I will buy apparel for the wedding day.

For Sunday comes apace.

We will have rings and things and fine array.

So, kiss me, Kate.

-I'll see thee hanged on Sunday first.

[ Spits ] -Steve, do something, just do something really quickly.

Right now, right now, right now.

♪ -Hattie!

Hattie!

Oh!

Pack my bags.

I am through!

-I don't blame you one bit.

-That is the last time you will lay your hands on me, Mr. Graham.

-I didn't -- I didn't touch her!

I didn't touch her!

-Only because Harry stopped you.

You were poised to spank me.

-No, no, no.

Petruchio was poised to spank Kate, which is entirely justified given the context of the scene.

-That's kind of fair.

-Shut up, Paul!

-Motivated, I might add, by your liberal improvisations.

-Improvisations?

-Yes.

May I remind you, Miss Vanessi, the name of the piece is "The Taming of the Shrew," not "The Punching of the Fred."

-Be quiet, you lunatics!

There's a show onstage!

-Yeah.

You got the worst temper in show business.

The studio fired you.

-Sure.

[ Laughs ] Lecture me now after you just embarrassed yourself with someone who could be your granddaughter!

-Oh, what, you're jealous?

You divorced me.

Did I dream that?

-You gave my wedding bouq-- [ Sobbing ] You gave... my wedding bouquet to that tramp.

[ Sobbing ] -But that is no excuse for ad-libbing.

-Oh, my God!

[ Screams ] [ Inhales sharply ] "Let my lovely Lois shine through Bianca tonight and there'll be a new star in the heavens."

Thou jerk!

-Alright, alright, alright.

Look, so I sent the kid some fl-- Oh, my God.

So I sent the kid some -- Oh.

-[ Sighs ] -Look.

So I sent the kid some flowers.

I put a note in with the flowers.

But may I remind you, I am free, male, and barely 50.

-50?!

-Yeah, well, 55, something.

What actor has done what I have done?

What about my Peer Gynt in London?

-Croydon is not London!

-What about my Hamlet in Dublin?

-They paid you in potatoes.

Mashed.

-Oh, my God, Miss Vanessi, you've got no soul.

Oh, I couldn't teach you manners as a wife, but I will teach you manners as an actress.

-Not in this production, my pet.

-What did you say?

-You heard me.

And here is something to remember me by.

-What?

Oh, my God!

What are you trying to do?

Kill me?

Oh, my God, oh, I think my nose is broken.

Oh, God.

Ralph!

Ralph!

I'm bleeding.

-Yes, sir.

-Get me some alcohol.

-Yes, sir.

-God, there's got to be a law against attempted murder even in Baltimore.

-Oh.

-Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Paul.

Does my nose look broken?

-It always has.

-Oh, God.

-Do you want a glass or just drink straight from the bottle?

-I'll drink it straight from the bottle.

That monstrous, monstrous female.

Oh, my God.

Am I bleeding heavily?

Am I bleeding?

-I don't see anything.

-Oh, yeah?

What's that?

-Max Factor Number 2.

-Get out of here!

Get out of here.

-Harrison, I will marry you tonight.

That villain accosted me.

On stage.

In front of a paying audience.

I'm done with the theater.

Oh, I just want to go where people are real, where people have integrity.

[ Gasps ] Yes, I will go to Washington.

Oh!

Oh, my darling, it's going to be a whole new world with you.

Hattie, please pack my things.

I'll wear my terra-cotta suit and my new hat.

Yes, my darling, he raised his hand to me like the beast he is.

-I'm a realistic actor.

-That's right.

I am quitting.

Right now!

-Oh, no, no.

No, you don't really mean you'd leave in the middle of a performance!

-Oh, no?

-I will have you up on charges with Equity.

-Oh, I will be glad, glad to appear before Equity!

I shall gather signed testimonials.

-Oh, yeah?

Well, I'll bring my X-rays.

You hit me, remember?

-Nothing you can do or say will stop me.

-No.

So, who was that?

Was that your mystery man on the phone?

-Yes.

He's coming for me right now.

He is a real man.

And I am leaving with him tonight.

-Oh, no, no, no.

You don't really mean you'd leave.

My God.

Yes, you do.

-You bet I do.

-But you'll never work in the theater again!

-Who wants to?!

-Oh, my God.

She's out of her mind.

-Get out.

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

Get out!

-Oh, no.

Not you guys again.

-Hello again.

We just come by to check whether any of that stage combat jostled loose a memory or two.

-Regarding the IOU.

-And the signing thereof.

-How can I remember something that I never even did?

-[ Laughs ] That's ironic.

Coming from you, I mean.

-What?

-Well, perhaps this is an overly poetic interpretation of your craft, but isn't that the job of an actor?

To remember things that they've never experienced?

-Forgive me, but I think it would be more accurate to say they create memories for the characters they are portraying in order that they might be more fully realized.

Ain't that right?

-Yeah, yeah.

You know, I really think I misjudged you guys.

I mean, you come across a tad brutish at times.

No offense.

-None taken.

-And yet... And yet, you have an instinctive love and understanding of the theater.

Not to mention a passion for fiduciary responsibility.

I mean, you guys... You could be producers.

-You think?

-That is a dream we dare not dream.

-Now, look, guys, I'll be straight with you, I did write the IOU.

And I'd love to pay back the debt, if only I had the cash.

I mean, I would have at the end of the week, if only the show could run.

-Oh, it'll run.

It's entertaining, vivacious, and calculated to please the discriminating theatergoer.

You can quote me.

-Thank you.

I will.

The problem is, my co-star, Miss Vanessi, she's quitting.

-Quitting?

-Yeah, you know, temperament.

Something about the way we played our little scene.

-Oh, no, no, no!

-No, no.

Wait, guys.

Wait, wait.

Look.

She's in here right now getting dressed to leave the theater.

-She can't do that!

-No, look.

She won't listen to me.

-[ Sobs ] -But if I was to bring you two guys on as producers, with your special skill set, perhaps you could convince her to stay?

-How much?

-Two percent.

-Of the net?

-Of the gross.

-Done.

-Lilli.

Oh, Lilli.

-Fred, there is no use trying to persuade me.

-Darling, two of our above-the-title producers all the way from New York, the guys have come to see you.

-No, no, no.

-Thank you very much, gentlemen.

Come in.

Thank you, Lilli.

Thank you.

-Oh, Miss Vanessi.

Miss Vanessi, you have been my ideal for years.

I married my wife because in a certain light, when it's kind of dark, she might pass for your sister.

-How sweet.

-♪ Your glorious voice has been an inspiration to me in my work.

-What a trouper.

-What a personality.

-Now, Miss Vanessi, is it true that you're contemplating quitting this high-type entertainment?

-Yes, I am.

-Oh, no, no, no.

-No, no, no, no.

Let's talk this over.

-[ Gasps ] Oh, excuse me.

I'm just transferring the weight off a one side to the other.

-Aah!

-Yeah.

I'm doing the same thing.

-Yeah.

You see, we now got a financial interest in the success of this show, as well as personal.

-And, Miss Vanessi, you got to play the show out tonight, and at least to the end of the week when Mr. Graham pays his debt of honor.

-Are you threatening me?

-I assume so.

-Now you know, Miss Vanessi, the show must go on.

-It absolutely must go on.

-Fred!

-I know, it's outrageous.

It's outrageous.

Oh, God.

♪ ♪ -♪ We sing -♪ We sing -♪ We sing -♪ Of love -♪ We sing -♪ We sing -♪ We sing -♪ Of love -♪ Cantiamo d'amore -♪ Cantiamo d'amore ♪ Ye gods above ♪ May we never sing of anything but love ♪ -♪ For love is the joy of ev'ry girl and boy ♪ ♪ As love, later on ♪ Keeps 'em going till they're gone ♪ ♪ Yes, love is the theme ♪ Of all people who dream ♪ So love, let's confess ♪ Is ev'rybody's business -♪ Cantiamo d'amore ♪ E per sempre cantiamo del dolce amore ♪ ♪ -La!

-La!

La!

-La!

La!

-La!

La!

La!

♪ -♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ -♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ -Whoo!

-♪ La la la la la la la la ♪ La la la la la la la la la la ♪ Hey!

Whoo!

Hey!

♪ ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ La la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ We sing ♪ Of love ♪ We sing ♪ Of love ♪ Ye gods above ♪ May we never sing of anything ♪ -♪ Never sing of anything -♪ Never sing of anything ♪ But love D'amore!

[ Cheers and applause ] ♪ -Such a marriage never was before.

The man is mad.

-And so madly mated.

-And in such garb -- an old jerkin and a pair of breeches thrice turned.

-A pair of boots that have been candle cases and not even mates.

One buckled.

Another laced.

[ Crowd murmurs ] -Come, my bonny Kate.

I said, come!

Come!

Ugh.

What is... -Come on, let's go.

-Here we go.

Out you go.

-Easy though.

Come on.

Let's do it.

-Hey!

-What?

[ Cheers and applause ] -Prithee, Kate, content yourself.

Be not angry.

-I will be angry!

What has thou to do?

Forward to the bridal dinner.

I see a woman may be made a fool, if she has not a spirit to resist.

[ All exclaim ] -Obey the bride, you that attend her.

Forward to the wedding feast, revel and domineer.

Be mad, be merry, or go hang yourselves.

As for my bonny Kate... -Put it down!

-Just put it down.

-For heaven's sake.

[ All murmuring ] [ Whip cracks, all shouting ] [ Gunshot, screaming continues ] -Everyone, please!

Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret.

Put the gun away.

Put the gun away.

I will be master of all that is mine.

She is my goods, my chattels, my horse, my ox, my ass, my anything.

Touch her who dare.

♪ ♪ So kiss me, Kate ♪ Thou lovely loon ♪ E'er we start on our honeymoon ♪ ♪ So kiss me, Kate ♪ Darling devil divine ♪ For now thou shall ever be mine ♪ -♪ I'll never be thine -♪ So kiss me, Kate -♪ So kiss him, Kate, thou lovely loon ♪ -No!

-♪ E'er we start -♪ Nay -♪ On our honeymoon -♪ Away -♪ So kiss him, Kate ♪ Darling devil divine -♪ Darling, drop dead -♪ For now thou shall ever be -♪ Now I shall never be -♪ Now thou shall ever be -♪ Now I shall never be -♪ Thine -♪ Yes, mine -♪ Not thine -♪ Yes, mine -♪ You swine -♪ Yes, mine -♪ She called him a swine -♪ So kiss me, Kate -♪ I'll crack your pate -♪ Oh, please don't pout -♪ I'll knock you out -♪ My priceless prize -♪ I'll black your eyes -♪ Oh, kiss me quick -♪ Your rump I'll kick -♪ Oh, kiss him -♪ Bounder -♪ He's not her dish, he's not her dish ♪ ♪ Oh, kiss him -♪ Flounder -♪ A type of fish she would not wish ♪ ♪ Oh, kiss him -♪ Dastard -♪ What's that we heard?

♪ What's that we heard?

Oh, kiss him ♪ -Bastard.

[ All gasp ] -♪ Oh, Katie, that's a naughty word ♪ ♪ Oh, kiss me -♪ Kiss him -♪ Kiss me -♪ Kiss him ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him -♪ Ne-e-e-e-ever ♪ Ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever-r-r-r ♪ Ne-e-e-e-ever ♪ Ne-e-e-e-e-e-ever ♪ Ne-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever ♪ Ne-e-e-ever, never, ne-e-e-e-ever ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never never, never, never, never ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never never, never, never, never ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never never, never, never, never ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never never, never, never, never ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never never, never, never, never ♪ ♪ Never, never, never, never, neeeeverrrrr ♪ [ Sighs ] Never!

♪ -♪ Kiss him, Kate, kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, Kate, kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ ♪ Kiss him, Kate, kiss him, Kate, Kiss him, Kate, kiss ♪ -♪ No -♪ Him -♪ Noooooo -Oh, kiss him!

-Oh, kiss him!

-[ Sighs ] -♪ Kate ♪ [ All clamoring ] [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you for joining us for Great Performances Kiss Me Kate from the Barbican Theatre in London.

This dynamic revival of a Cole Porter classic is here for you thanks to your support for your local PBS station.

Featuring powerhouse performances from Tony Award winner Stephanie J.

Block and BAFTA Award nominee Adrienne Dunbar, this exceptional production is just getting started.

Coming up, we have a thrilling rendition of the crowd pleaser "Too Darn Hot" that you don't wanna miss.

This is a one of a kind show from Tony Award winning director Bartlett Sherr with beautiful choreography, incredible performances and lots of laughs.

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And now let's return to act two of Great Performances, Kiss Me Kate.

[ Indistinct conversations ] [ Muffled music plays ] -♪ Kiss him, Kate ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ Kiss him, kiss him, Kate ♪ Kiss him ♪ Kiss him, Kate, kiss him, Kate ♪ ♪ Kiss him, Kate, kiss him, Kate ♪ ♪ Kiss -♪ No -♪ Him -♪ N-o-o-o -Aw, kiss him!

-Aw, kiss him!

-♪ K-a-a-a-ate -No, I am a person!

He knows that, right?!

I'm a person!

-Of course!

It wasn't me.

I didn't do anything.

I didn't -- ow!

What are you hitting me for?

-What took so long to bring the curtain?

We were stood there like a lemon.

-[ Indistinct high-pitched talking ] -That's just noise.

What is that?

-Oh, my God!

-They said they were producers, but they had guns.

No, real guns, Frank.

Look, look, you gotta get me out of this show.

Because that's what I pay you for!

-Uh... ♪ [ Grunting ] -Better?

-Yeah.

♪ Unh!

♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ It's too darn hot ♪ It's too darn hot ♪ I'd like to sup ♪ With my baby tonight ♪ ♪ And play the pup with my baby tonight ♪ ♪ ♪ I'd like to sup with my baby tonight ♪ ♪ And play the pup with my baby tonight ♪ ♪ But I ain't up to my baby tonight ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's too darn hot ♪ ♪ It's too darn hot ♪ It's too darn hot ♪ I'd like to stop ♪ For my baby tonight ♪ ♪ And blow my top ♪ With my baby tonight ♪ ♪ I'd like to stop for my baby tonight ♪ ♪ And blow my top with my baby tonight ♪ ♪ But I'd be a flop [ Laughter ] ♪ With my baby tonight ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's too darn hot ♪ Whoo!

♪ ♪ It's too darn hot -♪ Too darn hot -♪ It's too, too, too darn hot -♪ Too darn hot -♪ I'd like to fool with my baby tonight ♪ -♪ With his baby -♪ Break every rule -♪ Every rule -♪ With my baby tonight ♪ I'd like to fool with my baby tonight ♪ -♪ Break every rule with my baby tonight ♪ ♪ But, pillow, you'll be my baby tonight ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's too darn hot ♪ According to the Kinsey Report ♪ ♪ Every average man you know ♪ Much prefers to play his favorite sport ♪ ♪ When the temperature is low ♪ But when the thermometer goes way up ♪ ♪ And the weather is sizzling hot ♪ ♪ Mr. Adam ♪ For his madam ♪ Is not ♪ 'Cause it's too, too ♪ Too darn hot -♪ Too darn hot -♪ It's too darn hot -♪ Too darn hot -♪ It's too darn hot ♪ ♪ Hot, hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ Hot, hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ Hot, hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot hot hot ♪ ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot hot, hot, hot ♪ Hot -[ Scatting ] -♪ 'Cause it's too darn, too darn, too darn ♪ ♪ Too, too darn hot -♪ According to the Kinsey Report ♪ ♪ Every average man you know ♪ Much prefers to play his favorite sport ♪ ♪ When the temperature is low ♪ But when the thermometer, when the thermometer ♪ -♪ But when the thermometer goes way up ♪ ♪ And the weather is sizzling hot ♪ -♪ Mr. Gob for his squab -♪ A Marine for his queen -♪ A G.I.

for his cutie-pie is not ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's too, too hot -There it is!

-Whoo!

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ -Whoo!

[ Cheering ] -Want some more?

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ -Get out!

♪ -♪ It's too darn hot, it's too darn hot ♪ ♪ It's too darn hot ♪ -Ready?

Are you ready?

Five, six!

Five, six, seven, eight!

♪ ♪ -♪ It's too darn hot -♪ It's too darn hot -♪ It's too darn hot -♪ It's too darn -♪ It's too darn ♪ It's too darn hot, too darn hot ♪ ♪ Too darn hot ♪ Too darn h-o-o-o-ot [ Song ends ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause continues ] -Act 2!

Everyone onstage!

♪ [ Indistinct talking ] -You got this.

Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

♪ -Steve, give me a minute, will you?

Give me a minute.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd just like to share a little something with you before we go into the second half.

First of all, are you enjoying the show?

[ Cheers and applause ] That's a relief.

It's not always the case.

[ Laughter ] No, what I mean is, contemporary audiences sometimes find the idea of Petruchio taming Kate, well, you know, kind of difficult.

No, I hear what you're saying.

Look, it's 1948.

[ Laughter ] And women are fully emancipated.

[ Laughter ] Which is exactly my point.

You see, you've got to remember, back in Shakespeare's day, well, the female parts were played by men or young boys who were free to knock each other about, much to the hilarity of the audience.

So there you have it.

Women are emancipated, and for better or worse, they are allowed on stage.

[ Laughter ] [ Scattered groans, laughter ] Which makes "The Taming of the Shrew" kind of complicated, right?

I mean, I myself find it extremely difficult playing that brute Petruchio opp-- [ Laughter ] [ Clears throat ] Opposite Miss Vanessi.

As many of you may know, we were once married.

Sadly, we've gone our separate ways.

But I know I can speak for both of us when I say, we have the utmost respect for one another.

[ Laughter ] Anything else, fellas?

Oh, yeah, no, the guns and all that chaos at the end of the first act, ladies and gentlemen, totally scripted.

Totally, yeah.

I mean, Shakespeare himself really enjoyed the comedy of anachronism.

Isn't that right, guys?

-[ Bleating ] Yeah.

[ Laughter ] -I'll let the guys explain that one.

-Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, for the benefit of the less sophisticated of youse in the audience -- you know who you are -- [ Laughter ] my partner will now elucidate.

[ Clears throat ] Anachronism.

-[ Clears throat ] It's when something appears, say, in a play, and that thing belongs to or is appropriate for a period other than that in which the play is set.

-Yeah, yeah.

Like when a Colt .45 suddenly appears in a 16th-century Shakespeare play.

It's inappropriate... -Surprising... -...and therefore somewhat amusing.

I hope that helped.

-I don't think it did.

[ Laughter ] -Enjoy the show.

Why did you say that?

♪ ♪ ♪ -Sit down, Kate.

♪ -[ Sighs ] I am starv'd for meat, giddy for lack of sleep, with oaths kept waking, and with brawling fed.

And that which spites me more than all these wants, he does it under name of perfect love.

-Sit down, Kate.

-I will not!

-Sit down.

I know you have a stomach.

Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I?

What is this, mutton?

-Aye.

-Who brought it?

-I.

-How dare you!

'Tis burnt and dried away.

How dare you bring it from the dresser and serve it here to me?

Who likes it not?

Here, take it from me.

Trenchers, cups, and all.

-I pray ye, Husband, be not so disquiet.

The meat was well, if you were so contented.

-I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away, and I expressly am forbid to touch... To touch it.

-No!

-For it engender choler, planteth anger, 'twere better best that both of us should fast.

-What, did you marry me to famish me?

-Tomorrow shall you eat, my honey love, when we return unto your father's house.

And revel it as bravely as the best, with silken coats and caps and golden rings, and ruffs and cuffs and farthingales and things.

Ho, tailor, come!

Show us these ornaments.

How is with you, sir?

-Here is the cap Your Worship did bespeak.

-Oh!

-'Tis meant for thee, Kate.

Oh, but this was modeled on a porringer, velvet dish.

Fie, fie.

Let me try.

Aye, for 'tis lewd and filthy.

Take it away, bring me a bigger.

-I'll have no bigger.

This doth fit the time.

And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.

-When you are gentle, you shall have one.

Not till then.

-I am no child or babe.

Your betters have endur'd me say my mind, and if they cannot, best stop thine ear.

For my tongue will tell the anger of my heart or else my heart, concealing it, will break.

-Why, what thou say'st is true.

It is a paltry cap, a custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie.

I love thee well that thou do like it not.

-Love me or love me not, I like the cap.

And it I will have or I will have none.

-Hmm.

-No!

-Here, take it hence.

Begone.

Dear friends, thou angels in disguise that had helped me in my hour of need, t'were well you rested from your travels in yonder chamber.

Get thee hence.

Go to, go to... -Oh!

Come to, come to.

-I am hungry!

-How...can you think of food at such a time?

Come, let me lead you to the bridal chamber.

-[ Mouthing ] Help me.

-Thus have I politicly begun my reign, and 'tis my hope to end successfully.

My falcon now is sharp and passing empty.

And till she stoop, she must not be full-gorged.

She ate no meat today, nor shall not.

Last night, she slept not.

Tonight, she must not.

As with the meat, some undeserved fault I'll find about the making of the bed.

And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster, this way the coverlet, another way the sheets.

Aye, and amidst this hurly, I intend that all is done in reverend care of her.

This is the way to kill a wife with kindness.

And thus, I'll curb her mad and headstrong humor.

He that knows better how to tame a shrew, now let him speak.

'Tis charity to show.

Come, my bonny Kate!

[ Knock on door ] Come, my winsome Kate.

[ Knock on door ] Come, my -- oh!

Ohh!

[ Groans ] ♪ Damn it!

The woman has shut her bolt.

She did perform while I did act the dolt.

Was ever a man so beaten?

Was ever a man so weary?

♪ ♪ Since I reached the charming age of puberty ♪ ♪ And began to think of feminine curls ♪ ♪ Like a show that's typically Shuberty ♪ ♪ I have always had a multitude of girls ♪ ♪ But now that a married man at last am I ♪ ♪ How aware of my dear departed past am I ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late I led?

♪ ♪ Where is it now?

Totally dead!

♪ ♪ And where is the fun I used to find?

♪ ♪ Where has it gone?

♪ Gone with the wine!

♪ The marriage life may all be well ♪ ♪ But raising an heir could never compare ♪ ♪ With raising a bit of hell ♪ So I repeat what first I said ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late I... ♪ ♪ In dear Milano, where are you, Momo?

♪ ♪ Still selling those pictures of the Scriptures ♪ ♪ In the Duomo?

♪ And Carolina ♪ Where are you, Lina?

♪ Still peddling your pizza in the streets-a ole Taormina?

♪ ♪ And in Firenze, where are you, Alice?

♪ ♪ Still there in your pretty itty-bitty pity palace?

♪ ♪ And sweet Lucretia ♪ So young and gay-ee ♪ What scandalous doings in the ruins of Pompeii ♪ ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late I led?

♪ ♪ Where is it now?

Totally dead!

♪ ♪ And where is the fun I used to find?

♪ ♪ Where has it gone?

Gone with the wine!

♪ ♪ The marriage game is quite all right ♪ ♪ Yes, during the day, it's easy to play ♪ ♪ But, oh, what a bore at night ♪ ♪ So I repeat what first I said ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late I... ♪ ♪ Where is Rebecca?

♪ ♪ My Becky-wecky-oh ♪ ♪ Is she still cruising that amusing Ponte Vecchio?

♪ ♪ And sweet Fedora, the wild virago?

♪ ♪ It's lucky I missed her gangster sister from Chicago ♪ ♪ And sweet Venetia ♪ Who used to chat so ♪ Is she still drinking in her stinking pink palazzo?

♪ ♪ And lovely Lisa ♪ Where are you, Lisa?

♪ ♪ You gave a new meaning to the Leaning Tower of Pisa ♪ ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late I led?

♪ ♪ Where is it now?

♪ Why, it's totally dead!

♪ Where is the fun I used to find?

♪ ♪ Where has it gone?

Gone with the wine!

♪ ♪ I've oft been told of nuptial bliss ♪ ♪ But what do you do ♪ At a quarter to two ♪ With only a shrew to kiss?

♪ So I repeat what first I said ♪ ♪ Where is the life that late ♪ I led?

♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] [ Sirens wail ] -Lilli?!

Lilli!

-Excuse me, sir.

There's a show going on.

Shh, shh!

-Lilli!

-Who is making all that noise?

-This one here.

He's screaming like a crazy person.

Now, should I call a doctor?

-I brought my own.

Flynn, Riley!

-Sir!

-Get the medics.

-In here.

-Well, this guy's so far gone, he has to travel with his own hospital.

-Lilli!

-If you're looking for Miss Vanessi, she's on stage.

Oh, no, no, no!

I'll be happy to give her a message.

She has plenty of fans.

-I'm her betrothed!

I'm not a fan!

-Oh, well, that marriage will never last.

-Lilli!

-Quiet, damn it!

-Who said, "Quiet, damn it"?!

-I did.

-Who are you?

-Fredric C. Graham, actor, director, producer, and someone who knows better than to scream backstage when there's a show going on.

Who are you?

-General Harrison Howell.

-Lilli's betrothed.

-But not a fan, and he keeps going on about it.

-Oh, so you're Lilli's mystery man?

Well, I've heard so much about you, it's almost like you're an old friend.

Like a very old fr-- Like, much older than I expected.

-I need to see Lilli.

-Yeah, go right ahead.

That's her dressing room over there.

-Come this way.

-Oh, No.

No, Miss Vanessi will not be needing your services, thank you very much.

-She said she's been assaulted.

-No, she assaulted me!

You may have misheard that.

She doesn't enunciate.

-Fred, you're needed on stage.

-Yeah, go right ahead.

That's her dressing room.

Make yourself comfortable.

I can see why she fell for you.

You look exactly like her grandpa.

-Harrison?

Is that you?

-I'm sorry?

-It's me -- Lois.

Don't you remember, General?

On the Sydney Harbor Bridge?

I had something in my eye, and you took me to Hong Kong to take it out.

-Oh, yeah.

How could I forget?

It's all right, men.

Wait outside.

Mount your vehicles!

-I've still got the diamond bracelet with the rubies.

I think of you all the time when I go down to my safe deposit box.

-Now look here, Laura.

-Lois.

-Lois, of course, Lois.

That was a long time ago.

It was wartime.

I was a young soldier, barely 45, looking for rest and... recreation.

-I remember the recreation.

I don't remember the rest.

-Well, neither do I.

But as I say, that was long ago.

And I'm about to marry my Lois.

-"Your Lois"?

-My Lilli.

Lilli Vanessi.

I'm a public figure now.

-I know.

I've heard you on the radio.

You're a big cheese.

You were just a little cheese back then.

-Yes, I'm a big cheese.

And, more significantly, a cheese that's betrothed.

I must avoid scandal at all costs, you understand?

-Oh, I understand.

-So may I rely on your discretion?

After all, the institution of marriage is sacred.

I take it very seriously.

-Of course.

-Here's my card.

Let a decent amount of time pass before you get in touch.

Say, three weeks.

-[ Chuckles ] -And if my valet answers, just say you're my cousin Tillie from Maine.

He'll know what that means.

-Aye-aye, Captain!

-When did you join the United States Army?

-You've been listening the whole time?

-Yeah.

-I assure you there was nothing wrong between he and I.

Just because a girl is good-hearted and normal and...patriotic, and wants to get along with her fellow man... -♪ Why can't you behave?

♪ I guess we both have our demons.

-♪ How in hell can you be jealous ♪ ♪ When you know you're the one I crave?

♪ ♪ I'm just mad for you ♪ And I'll always be ♪ But naturally ♪ If a custom-tailored vet ♪ Asks me out for something wet ♪ ♪ When the vet begins to pet, I cry "Hooray!"

♪ ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling ♪ ♪ In my fashion ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ -Look, this is ridiculous.

You can't -- -♪ Okay, I enjoy a tender pass ♪ By the boss of Boston Mass ♪ Though his pass is middle-class ♪ ♪ And not Back Bay ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ ♪ There's a madman known as Mack ♪ ♪ Who is planning to attack ♪ If his mad attack means a Cadillac, okay ♪ ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ ♪ I've been asked to have a meal ♪ ♪ By a big tycoon in steel ♪ If the meal includes a deal ♪ Accept I may ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ ♪ I could never curl my lip ♪ To a dazzling diamond clip ♪ Though the clip meant "let 'er rip" ♪ ♪ I'd not say "Nay!"

♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ ♪ Oh, there's an oilman known as Tex ♪ ♪ Who is keen to give me checks ♪ ♪ And his checks, I fear ♪ Mean that sex is here to stay ♪ ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you ♪ Darling, in my way [ Cheers and applause ] [ Music continues ] Oh.

♪ ♪ There's a wealthy Hindu priest ♪ ♪ Who's a wolf, to say the least ♪ ♪ When the priest goes too far east ♪ ♪ I also stray ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my -- ♪ I'm just gonna sit.

Okay?

♪ There's a lush from Baltimore ♪ ♪ Who is rich but such a bore ♪ When the bore falls on the floor ♪ ♪ I let him lay ♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ Oh, oh!

♪ Mr. Harris, plutocrat ♪ Wants to give my cheek a pat ♪ If a Harris pat means a Paris hat ♪ ♪ Baby, ooh la la ♪ Mais je suis toujours fidle, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Oui, je suis toujours fidle ♪ Darling, in my way ♪ From Ohio, Mrs. Thorne ♪ She calls me up from night till morn ♪ ♪ Mrs. Thorne once cornered corn ♪ ♪ And that ain't hay ♪ But I am always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you, darling, in my way ♪ ♪ Mr. Gable ♪ I mean Clark ♪ Wants me on his boat to park ♪ If the Gable boat means a sable coat ♪ ♪ Anchors aweigh!

♪ But I'm always true to you, darling, in my fashion ♪ ♪ Yes, I'm always true to you ♪ Darling, in my way [ Cheers and applause ] [ Laughs ] Whoo!

[ Laughing ] Ah, ah.

Okay, play me out.

Oh, give me a run.

♪ Ah!

Ah!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Thank you!

Thank you!

You, call me.

♪ -Major Rogers?

Change of plans, Major.

The wedding's tomorrow.

No buts, Major.

Thinking on your feet, that's the essence of command.

Now take this down.

We'll be married at Saint Thomas' at 1430 hours.

You got that?

Reception at the Waldorf, 1600 hours.

Press conference, 1740 hours.

Arrive Grand Central, 1825.

Depart, 1830 hours.

You got that?

Arrive Washington, 2135.

Arrive White House, 2155.

Conference with President, then honeymoon with wife.

Time permitting.

Ooh, ooh!

What do you think I should wear for the ceremony?

My black suit or my white dress uniform?

Miss Vanessi?

White, I suppose.

Not black, in any case.

Agreed.

We'll go with the suit, the one I wore to Gandhi's funeral.

-Good choice, Harrison.

Gandhi's funeral.

Oh, do you mind if I call you Harrison?

-Call me Harrison if you wish.

-Harrison, allow me to give you a word of advice, as someone who has survived marriage to Lilli.

Don't believe everything she says.

I mean, you've got to understand the caprices of women of talent and beauty.

I mean, she may even come in here tonight and say, "Harrison, I'm playing the show under duress.

Call the FBI!"

-Why should she want the FBI?

-Why did she want an ambulance?

-Oh, thank God you're here!

Oh, oh!

Harrison.

I am playing the show under duress.

Call the FBI!

-Now, my dear, I don't mind bringing a doctor and a nurse, they're on my payroll, but the FBI is not.

Now, I enjoy indulging the, uh... caprices of a woman of talent and beauty whom I happen to adore... -"Caprices"?

Darling, these thugs have threatened me.

-Now, now, my dear... -I am playing at the point of a gun.

They will not let me leave this building!

-Are you talking about two of the most promising graduates of the Group Theatre?

These gentlemen have dedicated their lives to truth and beauty.

-Truth.

-Beauty.

-Can't you see they are gangsters?

-I guess it shows.

-What can you say to libel?

-Should I say something?

-No.

-Discretion is the better part of valor.

-Famous Sayings, top shelf, under non-fiction, right-hand corner.

Atlanta.

No smoking.

No talking.

-We are well-read.

-We spent 8 to 12 years bettering ourselves.

-My dear, judging by their costumes and their education, these men are obviously not what you say they are.

-But they have guns!

-Well, the right to bear arms is enshrined in our constitution.

-Harrison, I could get killed.

-Guns don't kill people.

-We do.

-We do.

[ Both laugh ] -It's nice to meet you, General.

You take care of yourself, all right?

All right.

Fred, you got this?

-Yeah, yeah.

Thank you, guys.

Thanks, guys.

Yeah, two percent.

Yeah, General.

Allow me.

Please, General.

Lilli, if you want to go, then go.

Leave the theater, if that's what you want to do.

I mean, what is there in the theater to hold you?

It's so tawdry.

I mean, the meaningless excitement of opening night.

The dreary business of creating a part and watching a character come to life.

And those idiotic men and women who stop and stare and go... [ Gasping ] -[ Gasping ] -"There goes Lilli Vanessi!"

-Yes, it's me.

-Yeah, it's dreadful.

It's drea-- I don't blame you for wanting to get away from all that when you've got a chance of happiness.

I mean, real happiness.

Under the General.

-Why, thank you, Graham.

I believe I know what it takes to make a woman happy.

-Well, God bless you, sir.

-No, I never want to see the theater or you again.

I am going to have a wonderful life with the most adorable man in the entire world.

-And the President of the United States agrees with you, dearest one.

That's my big news.

Truman has asked me to be his running mate in November.

-And you said yes?

-Hold your horses.

Dewey has also asked me to be his running mate.

-Dewey or Truman!

What a decision!

-Well, I know a winner when I see one.

I picked Dewey.

-My darling, I am so proud of you.

Mwah!

Well, let me just throw something on and then we can turn our backs on this tawdry life in the theater.

I'm going to wear my enchanting new hat.

It's French.

-Lilli.

Fancy foreign headwear?

That's not what America expects to see on top of a future Second Lady.

-What is it with men and hats?

I like the hat, Harrison.

And my entire wardrobe is Dior.

So, come November and Nebraska, I'm going to need my New Look mink.

-Forgive me, my dear, but what the voters will want to see you in is a good old Republican cloth coat.

-Does Dior do a cloth coat?

I don't know.

-Now, it's gonna be a long, hard slog till November, but after I'm elected, well, the truth is the VP doesn't do much.

He's just there in case the president has a stroke.

I may have the odd affair... of states to attend to in Washington, but we'll spend most of our time on my ranch in Oklahoma.

30,000 acres.

You can ride for days and not see a soul.

-Oh!

The life of a cowboy.

-[ Groans ] -What do you call the ranch?

"Solitude"?

-No.

-"Contentment."

-"Contentment."

Perfect.

Lilli, just think, no more cocktail parties, no more fancy friends calling around with the latest gossip.

In fact, no friends at all.

Just the odd coyote coming round for dinner.

You know what I mean?

-I got a dining room can seat a hundred.

-Oh, marvelous!

-I can just see your life with the General right now.

0600 hours, he rises with the help of a valet.

-Been with me 30 years.

-And it's into his riding clothes, and you into yours.

-Well, I am mad about horses.

-Yes, and eventually you'll stop falling off.

-Then home for breakfast.

-Yeah, breakfast.

You'll sit at one end of the long table, he'll sit at the other.

You'll watch through a telescope as Harrison slops his Wheaties.

-Keeps you regular.

Yeah, and then time for a nap.

-20 minutes.

Rest the brain.

Yeah, then you get up and you can dress and you can stare out at the desolate plains for a while, maybe do a little vulture spotting.

Then Harrison will join you to discuss the stocks.

-It's a bull market.

-Oh... -Consolidated desperation's at an all-time high.

-Then lunch.

Now, I've got the finest chef in the country.

-Oh!

-But I have to watch my diet, so we'll stick to the yolk of one egg, shredded raw carrots, and a glass of buttermilk.

It's done wonders for me.

-Then a nice, soothing, refreshing nap.

-30 minutes!

Rest the brain.

-Yes, you too will nap, Miss Vanessi.

Mind-numbing fatigue will clutch at your consciousness.

Then it's out for a quick walk in the cactus garden.

Mind the spiders.

-Then high tea.

Very refreshing.

-Yep.

Then another nap.

-15 minutes.

-Yeah, then you're up and you dress for dinner, and you dine on carrots and buttermilk and the yolk of a raw egg.

And he'll sit at one end of the long table, and you'll sit at the other.

-Then a brisk game of dominoes.

-Oh, God.

-Oh, such a wonderful game.

-Then it's time for the last nap of the day.

The long one.

You stretch out, you yawn deliciously.

-[ Yawns ] -A solitary hawk calls as it circles in the still air.

A-aa-aaah-aah!

Caaaaaaw!

Caaaaaw!

-Get out while you can still walk!

-Funny, that's exactly what I was gonna say to you.

He that knows better how to tame a shrew, now let him speak.

-'Tis charity to show.

-'Tis charity to show.

♪ ♪ -It likes me well, Cambio, hie you here and bid Bianca, make her ready straight.

And, if you will, tell what hath happened.

Lucentio's father is arrived in Padua, and how she's like to be Lucentio's wife.

-Well, I pray the gods she may, with all my heart.

♪ -♪ Package for Miss Lois Lane -♪ For your Bianca ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha -♪ Package for Miss Lois Lane -♪ For your Bianca ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha -♪ Package for Miss Lois Lane -♪ Package for Miss Lois Lane ♪ -♪ Package for Miss Lois Lane ♪ Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪ ♪ Your Bianca, ha!

-♪ Sweet Bianca ♪ While rehearsing with Bianca ♪ She's the darling I adore ♪ Offstage, I've found ♪ She's been around -Don't we know it.

[ All muttering ] -♪ But I still love her more and more ♪ ♪ So I've written her a love song ♪ ♪ Though I'm just an amateur ♪ I'll sing it through ♪ For all of you ♪ To see if it's worthy of her ♪ Are you listening?

-Yeah, come on.

-Come on, let's go.

-♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Oh, baby, will you be mine?

♪ ♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ You'd better answer yes or papa spanka ♪ [ All shouting ] -Okay, I'll change it!

♪ To win you -♪ To win you -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ There's nothing I would not do ♪ ♪ I would swim from here to far Casablanca ♪ -Would you get off, man?!

-♪ Sweet Bianca ♪ Bianca ♪ ♪ For you ♪ -♪ Bianca ♪ ♪ Bianca ♪ ♪ Oh, baby, will you be... ♪ Doo-loo, doo-loo-do-do -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca ♪ Ya better be answerin' yes 'cause if ya don't ♪ ♪ Then papa's gonna wanna give a -- ooh!

♪ -♪ To win you -♪ To win you ♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ There's nothing he would not do ♪ -♪ I would gladly give up coffee for Sanka ♪ ♪ Even Sanka, Bianca, for you ♪ Okay.

Watch out, everybody!

-Aah!

-Here I go!

♪ Oh!

♪ [ Tap shoes tapping ] ♪ Whoa!

♪ ♪ -Don't do that to my chair!

♪ -Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

♪ ♪ ♪ -♪ To win you -♪ To win you -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ There's nothing I would not do ♪ -♪ He would gladly give up coffee for Sanka ♪ ♪ Even Sanka, Bianca -♪ Yes, Sanka, Bianca ♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca -♪ Bianca ♪ For you ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Let's go!

Let's go!

♪ ♪ -Yeah, yeah, Gumpy, it's me.

Let me talk to Mr. Hogan.

Because I want to report in, Gumpy.

Mr. Hogan likes it when I report in, Gumpy.

Why should I call you Mr. Gumpy?

-[ Laughs ] -Just... Oh!

Oh.

Oh, I see.

-What?

What?

What?

-Yeah, yeah, of course we'll pay you a visit, Mr. Gumpy!

-Oh, my -- -All right, Mr. Gumpy.

Yes, Mr. Gumpy.

Can I -- Gumpy -- fwwt!

Hogan -- ckk!

-[ Grumbles ] You mean it?

-Mr. Hogan's unidentified remains will be found floating in the Bay tomorrow.

-Rest his soul.

-Fellas?

-Oh, Mr. Graham.

Well, looks like we're gonna have to declare a moratorium on you, seeing as how Mr. Gumpy's declared a moratorium on Mr. Hogan.

-Moratorium?

-Yeah, they'll let you out.

-What, I'm off the hook?

-No Mr. Hogan, no IOU.

-All right.

-There goes our two percent.

-Yeah.

Well, we must part.

-Oh, that's good.

-Oh, you like that?

-Yeah.

Yeah.

-All right.

-Yeah, thank you for letting us live out a dream.

-Oh, no, it was my pleasure.

I... -Come here, big guy.

-Yeah, what-- Oh!

Whoa, whoa, oh, boy!

-Please, Lilli, can't you just stick it out to the end of the show?

You only got one song left.

-Oh, yes.

You mean the song where I express how ashamed I am that women are so simple?

I'm not a simple woman, Ralph.

-Uh, Miss Vanessi, we just want to say au revoir.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, it has been a delightful experience.

-"Delightful"?

I have never been so threatened, so bullied, so pushed around in my entire life.

Have you two ever considered directing?

-We'll always think of you with great fondness!

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaking of fondness, excuse us if we overstep, but there is a gentleman here in this building who loves you.

He loves you like few can love another.

-Yeah.

He loves you like a mudder loves a rainy day at Belmont Park.

-Yeah.

Yeah, and in case you are confused as to this Romeo's identity, here's a clue.

He is not the one who, at this moment, is napping in your dressing room, dreaming of killing buffalo on the Great Plains.

-No.

He's the other one.

-Au revoir.

-Au revoir.

-Oh, yeah, guys, can you leave the costumes?

They're rented.

-Can we keep the hats?

-Yeah, you can keep the hats.

-Yes!

-Yes!

-Hattie, would you please run along and get me a car?

And book me the first train back to New York.

-Oh, yeah.

What about Sleeping Beauty?

-You are not Louella Parsons, and I do not care to discuss my personal life with you.

Ralph, this is for the company.

I am going to miss them very much.

Oh, thank you.

Bye, Pops.

-Same old Lilli, huh?

And I thought I detected a new note.

Like a new note of softness, humility, spark of affection, maybe even love.

-You are not going to hypnotize me, Svengali.

-Come on, Lilli.

You're not gonna walk out on me.

-You walked out on me once.

-Yeah, but I came back.

-Fred...

I've made plans, I've made promises.

-Yeah, and I made mistakes.

I could've been better to you.

I should have.

♪ I'm sorry.

♪ -The car's waiting, Miss Vanessi.

-I'm sorry, too.

♪ -♪ Strange, dear, but true, dear ♪ ♪ When I'm close to you, dear ♪ The stars fill the sky ♪ So in love with you am I ♪ Even without you ♪ My arms fold about you ♪ You know, darling, why ♪ So in love with you am I ♪ In love with the night mysterious ♪ ♪ ♪ The night when you first were there ♪ ♪ In love with my joy delirious ♪ ♪ When I knew ♪ That you could care ♪ ♪ So taunt me ♪ And hurt me ♪ Deceive me ♪ Desert me ♪ I'm yours ♪ Till I die ♪ So in love, so in love ♪ ♪ So in love with you, my love ♪ ♪ ♪ Am I ♪ Am I.

♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ -Hattie!

A little help getting the understudy ready?

-Oh, God, not Shirley.

-I get to go on?

Really?

I'll make you proud.

-No, you won't.

Come on.

-I will!

-Let's go.

-It's your time.

♪ ♪ -1, 2.

-Do you think there are any press in the audience?

-God, I hope not.

Go and get ready for your entrance!

Go.

Steve.

Steve.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the remainder of the performance, the role of Katherine -- -Hey, hey!

Wait!

Where's the exit?

-I'm trying to make announcement here.

-We want to get out of here.

-...will be played by her understudy, Miss Shirley Eckl.

Damn it.

-I'mma shoot him.

I'mma... -Hey!

Hey!

How do we get out of here?

-Uh, how did we get in here?

-We're trapped like rats.

♪ -Oh, shoo-- Hey, no, no, no.

-Hey!

No, no, no!

-You gotta stop.

Stop!

-He's waving his stick around.

-Hey, hey, hey!

What do we do, man?

What do we do, what do we do?

-Uh, I got an idea.

♪ -♪ The girls today in society ♪ Go for classical poetry -♪ So to win their hearts ♪ One must quote with ease -♪ Aeschylus and Euripides -♪ One must know Homer, and b'lieve me, Bo ♪ -♪ Sophocles, also Sappho-ho -♪ Unless you know Shelley -♪ And Keats -♪ And Pope -♪ Dainty Debbies will call you a dope ♪ -♪ But the poet of them all -♪ Who will start 'em simply ravin' ♪ -♪ Is the poet people call -♪ The Bard of Stratford-on-Avon ♪ ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ Start quoting him now ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And the women you will wow -♪ Just declaim a few lines from "Othella" ♪ ♪ And they'll think you're a hell of a fella ♪ -♪ If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er ♪ ♪ Tell her what Tony told Cleopatterer ♪ -♪ If she fights when her clothes you are mussing ♪ -♪ What are clothes?

Much Ado About Nussing ♪ ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow -Thanks.

-That's it, Steve.

[ Music continues ] -No!

No, no, no!

-Hey, hey, hey!

Watch me.

Do what I do, all right?

All right.

♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ Start quoting him now ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And the women you will wow -No!

No!

♪ With the wife of the British ambessida ♪ ♪ Try a crack out of "Troilus and Cressida" ♪ -♪ If she says she won't buy it or tike it ♪ ♪ Make her tike it, what's more As You Like It ♪ -♪ If she says your behavior is heinous ♪ -♪ Kick her right in the Coriolanus ♪ -Ow!

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow -We're done!

-No more, Steve.

That's done.

[ Music continues ] Oh, come on, Ralph!

-One more.

-I gotta go kill somebody!

-She's not ready!

♪ -♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ Start quoting him now ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And the women you will wow -♪ If you can't be a ham and do Hamlet ♪ ♪ They will not give a damn or a damnlet ♪ -♪ Just recite an occasional sonnet ♪ ♪ And your lap'll have "honey" upon it ♪ -♪ When your baby is pleading for pleasure ♪ -♪ Let her sample you Measure for Measure ♪ -Oh!

-Ha!

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow -Forsooth.

-♪ And they'll all kowtow -I' faith.

-♪ And they'll all kowtow [ Cheers and applause ] -Oh -- what?

[ Music continues ] What do I do with this?

-Uh, just shake the hat, all right?

-Shake the hat?

-Just shake the hat.

Do what I do, all right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ Start quoting him now ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And the women you will wow -♪ Better mention "The Merchant of Venice" ♪ -♪ When her sweet pound o' flesh you would menace ♪ -♪ If her virtue, at first, she defends, well ♪ ♪ Just remind her that All's Well That Ends Well ♪ -♪ And if still she won't give you a bonus ♪ -♪ You know what Venus got from Adonis ♪ Ooh!

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow -Thinks thou?!

-♪ And they'll all kowtow -Odds bodkins!

-♪ They'll all kowtow [ Cheers and applause ] Steady on.

-Hurry up.

Oh, come on!

[ Music continues ] All right, you gotta help us out now!

-All right!

Sing it with us!

-Come on, come on!

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare -Sing the song!

♪ Start quoting him now You guys in the top, too, come on!

-♪ Brush up your Shakespeare -Thank you!

-♪ And the women you will wow ♪ If your girl is a Washington Heights dream ♪ -♪ Treat the kid to A Midsummer Night's Dream ♪ ♪ If she then wants an all-by-herself night ♪ -♪ Let her rest every 'leventh or Twelfth Night ♪ -♪ If because of your heat she gets huffy ♪ -♪ Simply play on and "Lay on, Macduffy!"

♪ ♪ ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow -Forsooth.

-♪ And they'll all kowtow -Thinks thou?!

-♪ And they'll all kowtow We trow!

♪ And they'll all kowtow [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ -Let's go.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ -My dear Bianca and her newfound spouse.

Brother Petruchio, daughter Katherine, feast with the best, and welcome to my house.

[ Applause ] But where is Katherine?

Where is she?

Father, go you to mistress Katherine, say I command her to come to me.

-I know she will not come.

The fouler fortune mine and there's an end.

-What is thy will, sir?

[ People gasping ] -Darling... you came back.

[ Chuckles ] Katherine, take off that cap.

It becomes you not.

It is a bauble.

Throw it underfoot.

♪ I charge thee, Katherine... ♪ Tell these headstrong women what duty they do owe their lords and husbands.

♪ -♪ I am ashamed ♪ That women are so simple ♪ To offer war where they should kneel for peace ♪ ♪ Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway ♪ ♪ When we are bound to serve, love, and obey ♪ ♪ Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth?

♪ ♪ Unapt to toil the troubles in the world ♪ ♪ But that our soft condition and our hearts ♪ ♪ Should well agree with our external parts?

♪ -♪ So hold... -♪ So hold your temper ♪ And meekly put ♪ Your hand 'neath the sole of ♪ Your good wife's foot ♪ In token of which duty ♪ If you please -♪ My hand is ready -♪ Ready ♪ May it do you ease ♪ -Kiss me, Kate.

[ Applause ] ♪ ♪ So kiss me, Kate -♪ Caro -♪ Thou lovely loon -♪ Carissimo -♪ Ere we start -♪ Bello -♪ On our honeymoon -♪ Carissimo -♪ So, kiss me, Kate -♪ Oh, kiss him, Kate -♪ Darling angel, divine!

-♪ Prestissimo -♪ For now thou shall ever be -♪ Now thou shall ever be -♪ Now thou shall ever be -♪ Now thou shall ever be -♪ Mine -♪ Mine -♪ Darling mine -♪ For she is thine -♪ And I am thine -♪ And she is thine ♪ All thine (audience cheering) - From the opening number to "Too Darn Hot" to "Brush Up Your Shakespeare," you can see why Cole Porter's Kiss Me, Kate has stood the test of time.

And it's all thanks to your support for your local PBS station.

There's still a little more show left with a special curtain call that you won't wanna miss.

But right now, take this moment to give this show a standing ovation by scanning the QR code or going to the URL on screen to support your local PBS station.

Combining Shakespeare, music from the Italian Renaissance, Verdi's operas, the Viennese waltz, and the blues.

This hilarious musical is a fusion of the past with themes about the complicated relationships we have with those we love.

It's entertaining, expertly performed, and broadens your world.

It's exactly the kind of programming that PBS is all about.

And it only happens thanks to your investment in your local PBS station.

It's your generosity that makes the music and arts programs you love from PBS possible.

Series like Great Performances and Austin City Limits, along with dance, theater, and so much more.

It's all here for you because of you.

So please, scan the QR code below or go to the URL on screen and give to your local PBS station today.

And when you become a qualifying member, you can take advantage of a special member benefit called PBS Passport.

Here's more.

- Let me tell you about PBS Passport, a member benefit that is... - Absolutely amazing.

- Agreed.

Make a qualifying donation to this PBS station and you can enjoy all that PBS Passport has to offer with the PBS app or online.

What you'll get?

A new you.

Picture it.

You could be a theater buff, and then a precarious wonder, a science dynamo, a history savant, or just a well-rounded, interesting delight.

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Go online or reach out to the number on the screen to give now and take advantage of PBS Passport today.

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Scan the QR code below or go to the URL on screen to make an investment in your local PBS station right now.

Any amount is welcome and makes a huge impact.

Thank you.

[MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ -♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ Start quoting him now ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And the women you will wow ♪ So tonight just recite to your matey ♪ ♪ Kiss me, Kate, kiss me, Kate, kiss me, Katie ♪ ♪ Brush up your Shakespeare ♪ And they'll all kowtow [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (music)